Wednesday, October 20, 2004
1:09 AM
hello hello....hmm..oki...maybe i shouldn't be blogging at this time..i should be studying...but i've been telling myself for the past sem i shld be studying but still..very distracted...hmm..ok..today james came over to my hall..so i was veri happie....he came over to get the letter n to get the envelope printed...it's a fake MC! ..yar lor....hmm..well ..actualle in my heart i wished there are more times to come when he can come n accompany me...but it's just a false wish on my part...nonetheless, still feel happie lor.....but i din do much studying today supposed to study hard but...yar..ended up onlie doing 218 tutorial lor...tmr i must reallie try to study liao lor...yar ...i finished lessons at 1230...went hall 4 to haf lunch wif mq, yf and alvin...yups had lemon chicken not fantastic at all...hmm..den came back..zz till 3+ till 4 lydat...den hmm...woke up..he came over...helped him wif the letter n printing...den slack here slack there a bit..den dinner time liao.....den he was supposed to rush off to meet his uncle..den end up he had dinner wif me coz he was too hungry! we had jap food at can A....we took shuttlebus....the shuttlebus trip felt like the trip to tioman...oh well...well..today's just a happie day for me..but i noe it's not gg to last long.....yar lor...it's reallie time to study study study.........................
you make my life perfect-`
Wednesday, October 13, 2004
1:13 AM
hello..hmm...well well....it's been another boring but stressful day....came back around 5....den hmm did one tutorial..un done actuallie...celebrated diana's and cindy's bday.....qt fun but got smeared wif the blackforest cake...haha..hmmz....yups..i duno...today i kinda miss him a lot..i dunno y ..everithing kinda came back to me....went to take a short nap after sobbing for a while...missed him too much...oh well...actuallie i realised we've been on the fone for a few mins everyday even though we've broken up...well...i dunno..he's very busy and stressed with his school and work....i hope he's taking it oki..his health is deteriorating too...well...it pains me to see him lydat....actuallie now i'm contented to just having short conversations wif him everiday..even though i can't meet him coz he dun haf the luxury of time to do so...even though he dun call me so often..even though..we can't go out...actuallie i've been meeting him for the past few fridays...everitime meet frm after midnite to morning...it has kinda became like a routine..my motivation to pass e week...but well i guess it's gg to stop soon becoz exams r nearing...n after exams..i can't imagine wad'll happen i dowan to tink too it scares me..for he may be gg overseas...or perhaps he'll be committed to his job n haf no time for me? i haf no idea....perhaps we r jus nt meant to be..but a silly me somehow still holds on..clinging tight...hoping dat a small miracle will happen but i noe well in my heart that it won't..things won't be e same anymore...i just wish that it could be...but now all i hope is that i still can keep in touch wif him..it's this little fone calls that makes me feels in touch wif him...i just hope that he'll be released of his stress...i just hope he'll be happier..becoz that's him..a happi him last time...yar loz...i dunno...actuallie i'm very happi when he sms me..'study hard...sleep sweet etc'...becoz at least he bothers to...n it's meaningful to me when he sms me out of the blue...i dunno....haiiz..i guess i'm just a silly me..anyway exams r coming...it's time to study hard..n study hard n stop thinking of this kinda things...mb if i dun tink abt it things will work out..(just a silly thought) ..yups..i dunno y today my mind is very distracted..veri distracted..can't concentrate on anything i read/do been doing the 218 tutorial for damm long can't seem to get it done...i gif up...oh well study hard huijun! u haf no time left.....esp. for aa102 and bf212 okiz....buck up!!!!!! in the meantime....study hard pals..
you make my life perfect-`
Thursday, October 07, 2004
1:56 AM
I always find it an honour to be asked to write an entry for someone else's blog. Really. I can't exactly pinpoint the reason, but it goes along the lines of a blog being the equivalent of someone's diary, someone's personal space. Albeit it being online and accessible to the vast audience on the internet, it somehow qualifies as privacy to the owner. And we do not encroach on a person's privacy, that would be rude.
An entry is more that just a collection of mindless ramblings, incessant whinings and verbal doodling. Well, at least, to me it is. It is a freeflow form of artistic, linguistic expression. Essentially, it is who you are determined by what you write, unfettered and unlimited by an restrictions, about whatever you wish to. Moods, events, opinions, feelings, thoughts, complaints, all these are duly archived in a blog when you take some time out to reflect upon your life, and the fact that there is an unseen audience out there, although this probably indicates guarded reservations about what you choose to reveal, it still is a wonderful outlet for any emotions that one might experience. So, basically, a blog is part of you. And when you allow others to share in with that part of you, it bears testimony to the fact that they are as much a part of your life as anything else, and you recognize that reality.
Enough of all that preaching; all I was trying to say is that I'm honoured to be asked to write an entry for Huijun. Hmm, what can I say about her? Its funny how we got acquainted with each other. We met on mIRC, and found out that she is a friend of my classmate. The Internet is kinda amazing in how the shield of anonymity allows cyber-friendships to develop way quicker than normal ones. Anyhow, we started chatting regularly, and got to know each other better through the process. That was in Sec 3, if I recall.
Someone once told me that it is much easier to confide in someone over the Net than to someone you know in real life. I find that ironic, yet I understand how it is like. Its the screen in between two people, that allows problems and insecurities to be confessed without much fear of ridicule, rejection, discrimination or embarassment. The irony lies in that while friends made over the Net can never match up to your friends in real life, somehow, those Net friends seem to know more about your problems than most, considering how they probably never seen you ever, or perhaps even heard your voice, or have come in physical contact with you to know more about you.
So we found in each other a reliable and receptive listener, sharing woes and worries, joys and delights, over ICQ, for the great part of our secondary school days. She was always there for me whenever I needed to whine, and mind you, I was an excellent whiner. Surprisingly, she could tolerate that, so, yeah, it isn't easy to find someone who could bear with endless whinings. Somehow, when asked to describe her, I'm at a loss for words. I guess that's how it is with Net friends. Or maybe its because we spoke less to each other after our secondary school days, because perhaps we were too caught up with our lives, but the occasional greeting will always be exchanged.
We did meet up once though, just to find out how each other looked like? Maybe? But anyhow, I guess "friends forever" kinda applies, I mean, how long have we known each other? 6 years? 6 years may not be a long time when you are 40-something, but at 21, a friend whom you are keeping in contact with, however minimal, for 6 years, is a friend to be cherished.
That is why I was delighted when asked to write this entry. It was fun on my part, yet it also made me feel special, in a way. Hmmm, reading back, I don't think I've described her enough. More on the listening part. Someone once told me that to be a good listener often means to be empathetic. More often than not, we all usually want a listening ear rather than words of advice. She is someone like that. She passes it off as being someone who gives ill advice, but sometimes ill advice is advice given when none is required, I think. She merely listens and tries to understand, and to give sympathy, or consolation, where required. That's why I find that bring my troubles to her sometimes can be so refreshing.
Recently she's been in a rough patch, so I kinda read about it. Well, it was pretty, blatantly obvious. Here's to hope that she'll recover and cheer up again. Somehow, I can't bear knowing that someone around me is feeling down without doing a single damn thing about it. I'm nosey like that. Sorry if you felt like I was trying to interfere. But like I said, friends are to be cherished, and care and concern for a cherished friend is never too much.
Take care, and study hard. Hope your path in life smoothens out alil in the near future. Haha, but life's full of detours and sharp bends; they are what defines life itself. But I do think that you are deserving of a nice straight expressway for now. And thanks for letting me share your blog with ya!
you make my life perfect-`
Wednesday, October 06, 2004
3:12 PM
hello, my first wed that i dun haf lessons....bf212 was cancelled coz tcher had to go on a conference trip....i woke up feeling refreshed....did my bf218 tutorial.....den i called him..i wanted to go n visit him one...becoz it's my free day n i felt like seeing him, but of coz, the ans he gave me was no..he's busy n got things to do...i feel damm sad la....last time my free day or off day he used to come n look for me...i reallie miss his company...i dunno why i'm still hanging on to this love when i noe that things cannot return to e past....the past used to be so happy for me....i seem to haf everything everything..frens...him..family....but now i dun haf him..i still haf my frens n family, am really glad my frens r here for me during this period...but i can't seem to let go...i can't i love him too much..but i noe eventually i'll haf to..actualli i not sure wad difficulties he's facing also..i just hope n pray that everything is ok for him....i hope god would be fairer to him n undo all the things he's facing now for him...i dun haf to be wif him, i just hope at least my wish that he'll be released of all the sufferings will come true.....i dunno...yar lor....i haf to be brave n endure through this pain although i still feel very very sad in my heart....i dunno ...yups...i just hope that at least i get to meet him every now n then n hope he's oki....hope he faces his difficulties bravely too...becoz sometimes i can tell that he wanna give up..yar........now..it's time for me to concentrate on my exams..actuallie i'm really worried for my results for i haven been reallie concentrating on my work..help help! yar......ciaoz
you make my life perfect-`