Friday, September 10, 2004
11:17 PM
hello....hmm oh well..just kind of settled down after i came home from school...had aa102 quiz today and it's damm hard la..dunno if i can pass or do well....really regreted not reading the textbk n following the tutorials consistently...hmm...oh well...next week is my one week break...but it's fully packed with projects...sun james's gg to uk for a work trip till thurs..that day i talked to him over the phone den he jokingly asked me to join him if i have the money...i wished i could join him..but i don't have time....i haf the responsibility to complete my school projects..i really i wished i could join him n fly to liverpool...hmm..oh well...yea..my heart still aches whenever i think about how things between me and him turn out...it's so sad...i really feel so sad to lose him....i guess no one really knows how i feel...i hope to meet him n talk things out n work things out..but it just won't work out...somehow he just closes his heart n mind n set his mind to leave me..all alone in this small part of the world...maybe i expected too much out of this relationship that i can't let go..most pple ask me why i can't let go..what's so good about him that makes me love him so much...i dunno...mb it's just a feeling..because i feel that he's such a nice boy...love his family so much...hardworking....n kind to everyone..and of coz he used to love me so much too...i just wonder deeply whether he can jus forget me lydat...he says it's hard..he says he's trying to forget me too...but why try...i tried..i tried ..but i really can't every min n every sec i seemed to be thinking about him..u noe in my heart, i really accept everything about him whether gd or bad..i wanna share happiness n sadness wif him...isn't love all abt sharing? i dunno why he's doing this to me..but i noe he has his reasons...i noe i can't keep indulging in my sadness...i noe that i noe that..but it's so miserable...i just wish that things will work out the way i want..but i noe i'm just being silly...life's not that smooth n easy...i reallie dunno wad to do wif this relationship wif him..i dunno if ishld hold on or just forget him...i dunno i wan to leave everything behind but i can't..it's just haunting me everyday...i jus wish that he could listen to me..but mb wad's meant to be will be wad's meant to urs will be urs..maybe we r jus nt fated to be...i dunno...just wish that he'll be happy...i dunno...i jus hope i can concentrate on my studies..it's really affecting me bad..i'm so behind time in every subject...i'm so stressed..n my 20 yr old year is a bad yr..it's a bad bad yr..jus wish that i can haf just one wish to come true..n i noe the wish to be..that james will come back to me...
you make my life perfect-`